!!!

What possible message could three exclamation points convey that one cannot? It's not like we speak in punctuation. Why do some insist on writing in it as a substitute for their lack of interest?

Oh, you just got engaged. Rather than making the lengthy "Highlander" reference necessary to show you how excited I am for you, let me just cap off the "Congrats" text that took me three milliseconds to type with 48 exclamation points. That'll make up for the fact that I barely care.

At the very least, please turn off your group MMS setting before sending me big news. Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!