I got a Buick today

My new car took on a deer and won.

It once belonged to my in-laws, who have graciously turned it over to me. I called it "the tank" before, but I now I think it's pretty phenomenal.

So long, college Honda. Hello, middle management-style LeSabre.

Here are some highlights:

• It's got a door lock clicker


• The lights come on automatically


• It won't play CD-Rs -- on which I have stored most of my music collection -- but I can adjust the volume from the steering wheel.


• It can kill livestock apparently. Imagine what it could do to some punk kid with a bike and bad attitude. There would be nothing left but Huffy shrapnel.